Birthday

My 42nd birthday is this week....wow 42, I remember when I was in my 20's and 40 seemed so old. Hahahahaha I don't feel like I thought I would at 42. I mean I didn't think I was going to be guzzling Geritol or anything but I thought I'd feel more settled in my skin. Some days I look in the mirror and think "you look pretty good for a 40 year old" and some days I don't even recognize myself. Is this normal? I mean I know my life has been in a state of upheval for a little bit but I wish the underpinings my life felt more secure. Maybe because this isn't where I pictured myself at this age, not that it's a bad thing but when life goes off the track you have in your mind it kind of sends you into a tailspin, where your life doesn't feel like your own. Starting over is exciting but scary as hell too. It's not just me I have to think about, every decision I make affects 2 other people who are the most important things in my life.

I spent the evening with one of my best friends tonight...man that girl can make me laugh! Just what I needed, she is always a shot in the arm for me. This year on my birthday so many people are making a fuss over me...I love it! I will never be one of those people who say" don't make a big deal out of my birthday, it's just another day." Well for me it's MY special day, the day to celebrate me, and I'm going to soak up every minute of it.